Where are you now?
What are you now?
How are you now?
These questions are being asked to me by colleagues, friends, former officemates, elementary schoolmates, former flings, high school acquaintances, curious arseholes, some college connections, THE SOCIETY! But little did they know I have been asking myself the same questions and have been trying to answer them painstakingly.
I don’t know how I am going to start explaining myself. Stop! Oh for gadsakes, do I need to explain myself?
No, I don’t have to! (no one cares, too)
I’m doing whatever it is that I wanna do in my life. My decisions, my problems, my solutions.
However, I’m expecting this unpopular blog of mine to ease the pain that I’m feeling, the pain of being misconstrued not only by judgmental earthlings but also, by my own psyche. I shouldn't be writing this but here we go… here we go!
“Where are you now? I heard you had a stable job? Why did you leave?”
And there are two types of askers! After listening to my response, one will end it with “Good for you!” and the other one is going to be disgusted and end it with “How unfortunate of you.”
I got employed because I thought I could save money for CPA board review and help my family on our pecuniary predicament. We were going through rough patch when I was working, bleeding, sacrificing and being-enslaved-by-transportation-system at NCR. We were totally broke and insolvent. So I was pressured to get a stable job at an established well-known corporation that I THOUGHT could feed our starving stomachs. I left that fantasy-turned-into-fallacy BUT didn’t regret it. I will never ever regret that. It made me a better professional and a sensible law-abiding citizen. I am proud to share my experiences in credit-card accounting and most importantly, I earned fascinating beautiful acquaintances. At that occupation, I was growing except my economy. As I foresaw that certain employment was going to bore me, I decided to resign from office and push my business plan through. God provided and blessed me thus I am now here at our family affair, a coffeehouse. I own it… We own it... Our family’s fight and getting up from being knocked down is continuous. Where am I? I am here with them living a dream.
“What are you now?”
After being unfortunate on CPA board exam, what am I now? Am I still pursuing the abbreviation I want to add after my surname? Am I still the person who is hankering after a license? Yes, I am still that person. But I’m not perfect and filthy rich and not as genius as heck. I cannot review while managing a business. I cannot pay review-related-costs! I cannot just pursue my thing then can’t be totally focused on it. I should not waste my time. So If you think I’m wasting my time, wasting my time helping my family, helping the youth, helping some people, helping myself… you’re wrong. It is not wasting. If you’re afraid that I may lose my other dream, then don’t be scared. ‘Coz I’m not even terrified at all.
For an update, I am currently a young entrepreneur and a college instructor teaching subjects that are so far out from the degree that I earned. Honestly, it sounds not that good at all. I want to be a CPA and yet I’m a person who’s a trying-hard-businessman and a prof of philosophy and literature in college. This is wrong again! For people who think I should only stick myself to a one big dream.
I know (not just assuming) that there are people who are judging me like… Y U PUT UP A BUSINESS? Y U TEACHING PHILOSOPHY ‘N LITERATURE ‘N Y NOT THE ACCOUNTING RELATED COURSES? Y U DOIN’ THOSE AND NOT DOIN’ THIS AND THIS AND THIS?
I wish they could hear my questions, too: Are you me? Do you know what I know I can do best? Are you the one who’s feeding me to keep me kicking? Are you affected on every moves and decisions I make?
I have my own reasons. I have my own battles. I have my stories.
But still… I. Must. Get. My. Shit. Together. (and there’s our truce!)
"How are you now?"
Well, I pretty much said everything. So judging my rant… I am fine. Some people are not just fine with me being fine. But I am fine.