Linggo, Pebrero 22, 2015

Feeling Unicorn

Minsan... iniisip ko pa rin 'yung mga tanong o comment o feedback (by words or by priceless reactions) kapag sinasabi kong ako ay Kinsey-3-Gay (mas sikat sa word na "bisexual").

Natutuwa tuloy akong mag-comeback with interrogative sentences.


"HINDI HALATA." - Paano ba kami ini-stereotype ng society? Kailangan ba may statement-shirt kami?


"ANG GANDA MO NAMAN PARA MAGING BI." - Kailangan pangit para maging gay? 


"BAKIT? GALIT KA SA LALAKI?" - Nasaan ang "man-hater" sa word na "bisexual"?


"NAKAILANG GIRLFRIEND KA NA?" - Kailangan ng karelasyon para patunayan ang gender? Hindi mo ba itatanong kung nakailang boyfriend na ako?


"SINO'NG LALAKI KAPAG NAKIPAG-DATE KA SA BABAE?" - 'Di ko rin alam. Siguro kung sino 'yung may penis?


"BAKIT MO SINASABI 'YAN? ALAM BA NG PARENTS MO?" - Kailangan ng parents' consent?!


"PAANO MAKIPAG-SEX SA KAPWA BABAE?" - Alam mo 'yung Google? Alam mo 'yung porn? Alam mo 'yung privacy?


...


Pero may isang pariralang sumubok sa katatagan ko.


"HINDI AKO NANINIWALA SA BISEXUALS."


Hindi ako handang sagutin ang ganoong kataga. Hindi naman talaga kailangan ng sagot dahil hindi ito tanong. Pero kailangan ng comeback, for me! Siya pa lang ang tahasang nakapagsabi niyan sa akin. Yes, first time encounter. Natigilan ako at nautal-utal. Hindi siya naniniwala sa akin! 'Yun na rin 'yung tanong ko sa kanya... "Hindi ka naniniwala sa akin?!". Hanggang doon na lang ako. Wala naman akong kailangang patunayan. Kung maniwala man siya o hindi, hindi ko priority ang magpatunay. Parang religion ang gender-preference na iyan... it shouldn't be shoved down to someone's throat. You cannot always change one's perceptions.


Pero nalungkot ako dahil hanggang ngayon, feeling ko unicorn pa rin ako, kaming mga kinsey-3-gay sa ibang tao. Isang myth para sa iba tulad ni Santa Claus, ng awesome-almighty-above, ng tadhana!


Tapos, siguro para mapawi 'yung pagka-devastated ko, sabi niya...

"Hindi. Naniniwala na ako. Unfair lang talaga kayo. You get the best of both worlds."

Teehee!

Biyernes, Pebrero 13, 2015

Not Funny, Universe.

Makulimlim kanina.  Expected ko nang uulan.  Sobrang na-excite ako dahil gusto ko nang medyo schmaltzy atmosphere ngayon.  Alam kong papatak na ang mga ulang nagsitago sa madidilim at mabibigat na ulap.  As in, kinikilig ako dahil alam kong matagal nang hindi nababasa ng tubig-ulan ang magabok na kalsada at ang mga halaman namin sa labas.

Pero pagkatapos kong sambitin ang "Kahit kaunti at saglit lang. Sana talaga umulan na!"... saka unti-unting lumiwanag.  Sumikat ang palubog nang araw. Punyeta lang. Biglang umurong ang ulan.  Nawala ang mga ulap na tila iiyak na.  Sa halip na ang lumuha ay ang  kalangitan, ako yata ang halos napaluha.

Kaya lumabas ako't pumunta somewhere-somewhere para may gawing something-something.  At sa pag-uwi ko, saka biglang umambon habang naglalakad sa gitna ng kalsada.  Wala akong dalang payong o kahit na ano para maipandong.  Punyeta na naman. So, kung kailan nasa labas ako na hindi humihiling, hindi prepared at hindi naghihintay, ni-hindi sumagi sa utak ang umasa saka ako bibiglain?! Tssss... Universe joked once again.

Anyway, sabi nila ganyan talaga ang buhay.  Kung kailan hindi mo aasahan, saka ka gugulantangin.  Ganun talaga eh.

Huwebes, Pebrero 12, 2015

Paper Cuts

Wala namang ibang nakakaalam ng paper cuts sa kamay ko.
Tadtad lang naman ng mga punyetang paper cuts ang mga
daliri ko, kasama na rin ang palad ko.
Tingin ko pa ay medyo serious 'to.
Wala.
Walang nakakapansin, nakakakita, nakikiramay!

Hindi ko alam na sa kaharutan kong maglandi ng doodles
sa mga papel ay ganito ang aabutin ko.
Aba, malay ko ba!
Basta.
Basta ang alam ko ay masaya ako sa ginagawa ko!

Pero pagkatapos kong gumawa ng mga obra maestra
sa mga papel at mag-alcohol ng buong kamay...
humiyaw ako nang sobrang lakas.
Sobra.
Sobrang hapdi, sakit, kumirot-kirot pa sila!

Halos maiyak pa ako't magmukhang tanga.
Lagi ko na lang inaalala ang mga ito every time na may hahawakan ako,
o maghuhugas ako o may gagawin akong mga bagay-bagay
na nangangailangan ng mga kamay.
Bwisit.
Bwisit na bwisit ako dahil naaapektuhan ang normal na pamumuhay!

Hindi ito malalaman ng iba kung hindi ko sasabihin.
Wala silang pake as long as wala akong imik.
Kung wala pa ring pake ang iba na sinabihan ko,
may mga either sobrang maaawa
or iju-judge nila ako nang sukdulan.
Grabe.
Grabe kung tangahin ako dahil sa paper cuts!

Ngunit tulad ng mga dating paper cuts,
alam kong maghihilom din ang mga ito.
I-broadcast ko man o hindi, alam kong magkakapeklat ako.
Lintik.
Lintik kasi sa pagkalala itong mga paper cuts na 'to!

Sa una lang mahirap kasi sariwa pa ang mga maliliit na sugat.
Pero habang tumatagal ay biglang masasanay sa hapdi.
Hanggang sa hindi mamamalayang mga bakas at marka na lang sila.
Hindi.
Hindi pa rin ganung kapansin-pansin dahil
hindi ko naman lagi ipinapahalata na may paper cuts ako!

Kung may macu-curious, e'di sasabihin ko ang kwento.
Kung maaawa sila, tatanggapin ko ang awa.
Kung tatangahin ako, tatanggapin kong makitid ang utak ng kausap.
Paper cuts.
Paper cuts ito at hindi ito basta-bastang sugat!

Miyerkules, Pebrero 11, 2015

3000 KELVINS



Hindi Kami Bati






Limbo

(This is a short creepy story. I just thought of this while I was trying to compose a good tweet. I don't exactly know why I end up writing an eerie crap. Maybe because it's February 13 this Friday?)

I was talking to a 5-year old gal and then suddenly, I asked her about fairy tales.

"I like Peter Pan!" she said.

"Oooh. Neverland. Cute kids. The thimble!" I said with a self-satisfied smirk. I was trying so hard to give references.

"Oh! It's about limbo!" she shouted, excitedly.

I paused for a moment, laughed nervously and asked her "What do you know about limbo?"

And then she just looked at me very slowly, stared at me and didn't say a thing... with a freaking blank poker face. Not even smiling!

All I could say in my mind was "What. The. Fuck."

Linggo, Pebrero 8, 2015

Just Some Random Midnight Epiphany

My penchant for pragmatic shits is as strong as my proclivity
for nonsensical convo.

Like lurking on Facebook then ending up on 9GAG.

From reading a book to endlessly tweeting its quotes.

Being on a smart blog then find self scrolling through Tumblr.

I do not regret this flaw, imperfection of my humanity.

I do not care if I find my grounded side ends up at the mad part.

These defects make "me"!

And that's what I love about the universe.

It tries its hardest to destroy the humdrum and surprise earthlings to the utmost (yes, whether we like it or not).

But one may choose to complain or simply cherish it.

I cherish it, treasure it since it gives me superb feels and maybe, at the same time, it weirds the fuck out of me but... I'm passionate about being weirded out.  I live with that! 

This is why I will never make an effort to be with anything and/or anyone that is trying to devastate this principle and this sort of life-philosophy.

I dig anything and/or anyone that can make pragmatic shits and nonsensicalness into some awesome mash-up.

And that makes that anything/anyone more special and dear to me.

Sabado, Pebrero 7, 2015

Sanguine About Solitude

Tears-
Not because
you left.

Tears-
No, not because
you're gone.

Tears-
Not because
you've never cared

I cried
enough for those
reasons.

But these
are because
of sanguine
about solitude.

But these
are because
I, now,
can be alone.

But these
are because
I'm doing my
best to give
no shit
anymore.

I am crying
because I can
feel the
recovery.

And
realizing those
actually
hurts more
than I've
ever thought.

"Her absence was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever suffered for..."


Sabado, Enero 24, 2015

That Awesome Moment Noong

Nakasalubong ko ang kapwa-guro ko na dati ko ring guro... "Masaya ka ba? Enjoy ka naman?". Hindi na kailangang buuin pa ang diskurso. Alam ko ang ibig niyang sabihin.

"Opo, Miss!" sagot ko na may sobrang laking ngiti na halos kitang-kita ang mga ngipin kong sungki-sungki. Alam kong sapat na ang sagot kong 'yun.

The Reply To "Bakit Wala Pang BF Ang Anak Mo?"

It might be difficult for my parents to explain why I'm still single.  They pause, think and stutter when it comes to my love interest.  Everyone knows I'm an adult... uhm... and mature enough (questionable) to be in a relationship. The norm thinks that my age is THE AGE when one should have a stable commitment and a vision on settling and starting a family.  Again, that's THE NORM, THE TYPICAL, THE BORING NONSENSE REALITY THAT HAS NONSENSE STANDARDS. These people who are asking (and always asking trivial craps about me like I'm some kind of a celebrity or important personality in society) annoy them when they are questioned about MY LOVEFUCKINGLIFE.

"Nai-intimidate ang mga lalaki sa kanya.  Natatakot manligaw sa kanya.  They think she's a coldhearted bitch."

That's it.  That's my dad's famous line, unfailingly all the time when asked "Bakit wala pang BF ang anak mo?".  Except the last line, of course... but his discourse somehow points that case.

Dad, you're right.  Some men piss their pants when they try to pursue me. And maybe, I am truly an unfeeling creature.  But that's not the whole reason why I can't commit myself to anyone.  Will you, please, add that I had a fling with a girl, that I was in love (for real, for the first time) with her and now, I am currently going through rough patch and moving on?  Tell them that I am bisexual so I might be actually courting someone but you're not updated.

I know that you're aware of that.  The thing that you're unmindful of is that some guys have the guts and really, really tried their hardest.  Intimidation was, after all, not the issue for them.  I have this peculiar habit of pushing anyone away for some reasons.  I know you know that I have a unique gender preference but when am I going to come out through you?

Naaah... I cannot blame them.  It might be difficult for my parents to tell people how fucked up my lovelife is.

Sabado, Enero 17, 2015

SHRUG - /SHrəɡ/ - verb - raise (one's shoulders) slightly and momentarily to express doubt, ignorance, or indifference.

"Do you still like that person?"

"Yes."

"Want that person back?"

"Uhm." *shrugged*

Biyernes, Enero 2, 2015

Top 5: I Got These A Lot (2014)

1.  "Ang haba na ng buhok mo. Pagupit ka na."
(Me: K. Sige.)





2.  "Magpataba ka nga."
(Me: Ang takaw ko kaya. Ayaw talaga ng katawan ko.)



3.  "Talaga?! Galing mo naman."
(Me: Hmm. Thanks.)



4.  "Bakit wala ka pang boyfriend?!"
(Me: Actually, pwede ring magka-girlfriend. Ganun talaga eh.)

















5.  "Bi(sexual) ka?! Hindi halata!"
(Me: Pa'no ba kami inii-stereotype ng society?)

Miyerkules, Disyembre 31, 2014

Ang Hindi Inaasahang Kaganapang Pagkahati-hati Sa Aking Katauhan Nitong Lilisang Taon







































I
Sa kanilang mahahalaga
Sa akin

 Silang
Bumubuhay
Gumigising

II

Sa kanilang naiibigan

 Sa akin
Silang
Tumutulak
Na mangarap

III

Sa akin, para naman sa'kin

 May lihim
Angking
Pagkasakit
Pagligaya

Biyernes, Disyembre 26, 2014

FC stands for Felis Catus

Ang paborito kong pet ay FC.


Lalong-lalong na 'pag rescued cats dahil sila ang mga ulilang mas nangangailangan ng pagmamahal.  Hindi ganun high-maintenance, tamang-tama kung broke ka.  Hindi maarte.  Hindi hinuhuli 'pag lumabas ng bahay.  Hindi kinatatakutan.  Nakawawala ng stress at scientifically proven ito!

'Yun nga lang... minsan lang sila maglambing.  Kung sila ang magdedemand ng pagharot, akala mo mamamatay kung hindi papansinin, magme-make-face pa!  Pero kapag hinabol mo para harutin, para kang may ketong kung magpumiglas.  Marami ring nasisira sa bahay kapag naglaro.  Kapag napikon, kakalmutin at sasaktan ka talaga.  Laging walang pakialam na tipong nalaglag ka na sa hagdan at mukhang nag-aagaw-buhay ka na eh panonoorin ka lang nito o worse, pagtatawanan.  Laging kain-tulog.  Tamad!  Mahirap pagsabihan.  Hindi nila maiparating nang maayos ang tunay nilang nararamdaman maliban na lang kung galit, gutom o natatae.

Pero everytime na sasabihin kong ang paborito kong pet ay pusa... naaalala ko lagi yung nagsabi sa akin na... "Your favorite pet animal reflects your character and personality."

Mej agree ako.  Sinasabi ko talaga kapag feeling ko natatae na ako.

Miyerkules, Disyembre 24, 2014

Bulilit Pa Rin Ba Tuwing Christmas?

MALIGAYANG PASKO!  MERRY CHRISTMAS, FASCINATING EARTHLINGS!

So which is worse?  Getting older or getting wiser?

Eto na...  a holiday-centered post!  I don't think this is my thing but I'm doing it anyway.  Anyhow,  you might ask me "what's up with that quote above?".  What is up?  It's the most wonderful time of the year! (Feel free to sing that line.)  But for some people who prepare their selves to adulthood, are they still crazy about this?

To be honest, I am not as giddy adrenalized, immensely excited, yehey-Pasko-na-marami-na-namang-christmas-lights as when I was sooooo young for holiday season anymore.

Noong bata ako (elementary hanggang highschool, half of college life), sabik na sabik ako sa Christmas.  Bukod sa bakasyon na walang pasok at maisusuot ko na naman ang mga paborito kong sweater, nasasabik ako sa Pasko dahil sa mga natatanggap ko.  I admit I long for presents during Christmas season.  It's tough to deny it.






























Pero malaki na ako... oops sorry, mali.  Pero matanda na ako at may sumpa yata na 'pag hindi ka na estudyante, hindi ka na dapat tumatanggap ng mga pamasko.  Pfft.  Kainis.  Hindi ka na daw "bata" para mag-assume na may mga matatanggap kang mga regalo at pera (kung 'di nag-shopping sina ninong at ninang) dahil ikaw na dapat ang nagreregalo.

Doon na lang kalimitan nagfo-focus ang mga tao:  Sa PAGTANGGAP O PAMIMIGAY NG MGA REGALO.  "It's all about giving!" ika nila.  Well, it is!  But does it really have to be materialistic?  People are so proud, nowadays, to post photos of what they've got (and still getting) this holidays.  Okay sana kung may "thank you *insert names of the givers*" pero may mga hashtag lang na #BuoNaAngPaskoKo #MgaPamasko #Pinamaskuhan #GiftsPaMore.

Sinabi ko namang hindi na ganoon ka-excited... 'di ko naman sinabing hindi na ako happy.  Ito rin 'yung gusto kong pamasko sa'kin na hindi tangible!  Happiness!  Baduy pero 'yun naman talaga diba?  At ang happiness ay kalimitang nararamdaman kung mas mamimigay kesa tumatanggap.  Natutuwa ako ngayong Pasko na mamimigay kami ng mumunting mga handog sa mga bata.  Hindi man mga garbong mga something-something o mga Toys-R-Us products ang ibibigay namin pero masaya na may mapasayang mga bata.  Hindi 'yung material na bagay ang regalo namin kundi PANSIN.  Ang maalala at mabigyang-oras at pansin ang mga batang kapus-palad.  Higit sa lahat, nakapagpapaalala ito sa kung ano ba talaga ang puno't dulo ng Pasko:  ang pagsilang ni Jesus, isang bata na hinandugan ng mga mago at hinandog ng Diyos sa mundo.  Isn't this the true sense of this once in a year event?

But I'm not a kid anymore.  I am not childish anymore.  Hindi na ako bata at alam kong hindi lang mga bagay-bagay lang ang bubuo ng Pasko ko.  Kaya hindi na ako ganoon ka-excited tulad ng dati.  Hindi na ako bata at alam kong hindi bagay-bagay lang ang gusto kong matanggap ngayong Pasko.  Hindi na ako bata at alam kong hindi dapat bagay-bagay lang ang ibinabahagi ko kapag Pasko.  Hindi mga bagay-bagay na pinamaskuhan at pinamamasko ang dapat pahalagahan kundi oras, pamilya at ang Awesome-Dude-Above.

This is a hardcore confession:  I am officially not fond of receiving materialistic-whatevers during holidays.

Nope.  Actually, inggit lang talaga ako dahil hindi na ako pinamamaskuhan ng mga ninong at ninang ko.  Hahaha!

Anyways, kahit ganito na ako, developed na tao na naguguluhan kung ano ba talaga ang mas malala: ang tumatanda ba o ang tumatalino... may batang bulilit pa rin sa loob ko na kinikilig tuwing sasapit ang Pasko.

God bless us all!
Happy holidays!

Martes, Disyembre 23, 2014

10 Pangyayaring Nakaka-Demoralize


1. Pagkaway sa akala mong kumaway sa'yo.

2. Unreciprocated high-fives at fist-bumps.

3. Hindi pag-like ng crush mo sa selfie mo.

4. Tinukso ka dahil wala kang Instagram account.

5. Na-turn off ang crush mo sa'yo.

6. Hindi mo ma-gets ang commercial-references (ads-references) ng mga kabarkada mo dahil hindi ka na nakapapanood ng telebisyon.

7. Tagos ng regla sa pantalon habang nilalamon ng kahihiyan sa public.

8. Seen!

9. Super energetic ka sa klase pero may mga tulog pa rin.

10. Pinakamalala?  Pagbagsak ng estudyante mo sa examination mong easy-mode.


Deep, deep inside...  ito yung mapapa-"Tangina! Universe, lamunin mo na ako!!!"

Lunes, Disyembre 22, 2014

Undoing
































Falling is rather dangerous.
You see... "falling" is always a negative thing.
Only scientifically incorrect if we're going to tackle gravity.
Falling means moving downward
and one's balance is failing.
It means no control and no reward,
and means no balance and collapsing.
It means being thrown or defeated,
that from being high... you would find yourself low.
This might also means being dimwitted.
It means detaching from something just to drop on the ground and lo!
You're fucked up, baby.

So t'is why it is tough to break
the condescending ass part of oneself.
Once you admit that you're falling...
you're embracing your defeat,
believe that you're really dimwit,
acknowledging your imbalance,
and that collapsing to the ground
is proportion to your acceptance.

Falling is rather dangerous.
Well, I said "rather dangerous".
It is vaguely and slightly and fairly
menacing, perilous and deadly.
And someone and/or something...
is worth the downfall.
And life is all about experiencing
that "rather dangerous" shit and all.
We don't, in utmost, play safe in this universe.
We don't fall and get up for nothing during our traverse.
And life is about that.
I am sure life is all about that.

Sabado, Disyembre 20, 2014

A Chopped Call

She said "I got your heart broken."

I said "Yes, you did.  And like what a chick-flick shit would say... It was a privilege."


She said "I destructed you.  Ruined you.  Makes you feel useless."

I said "Well, I don't think it's all your fault.  Also, being destroyed is being created.  You made me the person I have to be for this planet.  And you're wrong.  I don't feel useless.  Actually, I've never felt this before: that life is worth living because I learn to appreciate beauty. And appreciate love, appreciate that feeling."

She said "This could be the last time you'd ever hear my voice."

I said "I know and I swear I'm gonna fucking miss your voice.  Damn, I am aware of this shit.  It means this is my last chance to tell you everything.  So here:  I love you.  I am still in love with you.  I will always love you.  But being in love is not being possessive.  And you were never a possession.  I'm letting you go.  Yet, honestly, I may never let go of these feelings; I may never move on.  I won't.  I can't.  Life goes on like that.  And it hurts.  It burns me.  I miss you.  I want you to miss me again.  I need you.  I want you to need me again because we love each other.  I've never felt as shit as I'm in so much pain for missing you.  I've never cried like this just because I long for someone.  But again, loving you is not owning you.  I don't own you.  I have to face the truth that we will never be together.  And again, it hurts.  It burns me."

She said "Thank you for everything.  I didn't mean to hurt you, really.  I am so, so sorry. Sorry.  I'm sorry."

I said "Apology's not... necessary.  I wish those three 'sorry's were converted into three words that I always want to hear from you.  They are music.  They are poem.  They are food for my hungry soul.  I love you.  Can you say those words one last time for me, please?  I want to hear them, again.  Last one, please?"

She said "This is a goodbye.  Goodbye.  Always take care of yourself.  Bye."

I ended the call with "Bye and take care of yourself, too.  There's no good to this. This is not a GOOD bye.  It's just a 'bye'.  A simple bye.  Like nothing happened.  We were nothing.  Like everything's gone like fucking bubbles and they're nothing, useless, and nonsense.  How can you be such a bitch?  No byes, please?  Love me, again, please?"


...


Well, she only heard my first sentences.

I only retorted five such simple sentences throughout the conversation.  I didn't tell her everything.  A wasted opportunity.  Thus, I hold on to the fact that some words are better left unsaid.  I hope it is true and will make me feel better, eventually.

Lunes, Disyembre 15, 2014

Nescience! Patience!


NESCIENCE - (n.) Absence of knowledge or awareness; ignorance. Because we're all kind of sensitive so we have to have a euphemism for the word "stupidity".


Ang toleration ko sa nescience ay matagal nang bumalik.


Simula pa noong araw na pumasok ako sa  isang room na may benteng mag-aaral na nakanganga sa akin.  'Di ko yata makalilimutan ang pagtitig nila sa aking pagkanilalang at alam kong sila ay nangangapa kung ano'ng uri ng professor ako.  "Mataray ba ito?  Namemersonal?  Laging absent?  Mukhang laging late! Masayahin?  Palakwento?  Boring?  Cool?  Tangahin?  Mahirap linlangin?"  Ang ilan ay nakangiti dahil naabutan pa nila akong estudyante ng paaralan.  Sila ang dapat kong katakutan.  Alam nila ang mga kagaguhan ko!  'Yun din ang kaunaunahang pagkakataon na pumasok ako sa eskwela hindi bilang isang estudyante... na laging late.  Kundi bilang isang ganap na guro... na laging late.


Pero simula noong araw na iyon, wala na akong nescience-intolerance.


Kapag may maliit na bagay na hindi lubos maunawaan ng estudyante, ang goal namin pareho ay enlightenment!  ENLIGHTENMENT, ALWAYS!  Hindi ko pwedeng pairalin ang dating ako na "Eh 'di GMG (google mo, gago)", "Bakit 'di mo pa rin 'yan alam? Tao ka pa ba?!" at yung "Tangina. Tanda mo na ah. Galing ka ba sa kulungan?"  Dapat may enlightenment akong baon lagi.

At kung hindi ko man alam ang sagot sa mga katanungan... "Sandali, i-google natin. NATIN!"  o kaya naman "Itatanong natin sa experts! Tapos pareho tayong mae-enlighten! 'Odava? Para bongga!" o kaya eh yung "Ire-research ko 'yan dahil 'di ako makakatulog.  Discuss ko sa klase, next meeting."


Pero kasi... kapag proctor... ibang usapan.  Hindi ako guro kundi isa akong bantay tuwing examination days.  Parang pulis, tanod, holdaper na nagmamatyag ng pagkakataon.  Hindi ko pwedeng sabihin sa kanilang "Let's google it!" kapag may tanong sila tungkol sa unfamiliar words na na-eencounter nila sa test paper.  Kahit sobrang naaawa na ako, habag na habag sa mga nagstra-struggle na mga nilalang... pinipigilan kong mabuti ang sarili na tumulong.  Pagsusulit na iyon.  Panahon na ng pagsukat ng kaalaman at mga natutunan.  Hindi iyon ang tamang oras para magtanong sa akin at i-tolerate ko pa rin ang nescience.  Maaaring makatutulong ang pagsagot ko sa kanilang grade at pagpasa.  Pero ide-deprive ko sila sa enlightenment na... hindi dapat lagi umasa sa tanong-sagot moments, na dapat ay ma-realize nila na kailangan nilang magsumikap pa para malaman ang mga bagay na hindi pa alam at matutunan ang mga bagay na dapat na nilang natutunan noon pa man.


 Dapat may nescience-intolerance pa rin!  Pero may mahabang patience!


So 'yun! New word sa vocabulary ko 'yang nescience!  NESCIENCE!

Miyerkules, Disyembre 10, 2014

Lunes, Nobyembre 24, 2014

Lalamunin Ka Niyan



Sabi ko naman sayo,
Lalamunin ka ng pag-ibig
Saksakmalin ka niya't
Pipiliting tunawin sa kanyang bibig
Habang nilalandi ka ng dila
Haharutin ka hanggang
Sa tuluyan kang mabalutan ng laway
Tila paglalaruan sa ngalangala
Paiikut-ikutin, nanamnamin

Lalamunin ka niya't sisipsipin
Mababasa ka't maliligayahan
Malamang sa libog, ika'y mahumaling

Ngunit ang mga kagat ay hindi maiiwasan
Babaon ang ilang ngipin
Ngunguyain nito ang unti-unting naging
Sensitibo mong karne, katawan, pagkatao
Magdudugo't magsusugat ang maraming parte
Pipilitin kang umungol, umungot, umiyak

Kung gaano kalakas ang hagalpak
Sa sarap ng pagnguya
Ganoon din kaingay ang hagulgol
Sa kirot ng mga ngatngat

Lalamunin ka nito't lulunukin
Ni ang sarili'y hindi mo na makikilala
Kakainin, wawasakin
Hindi ka na makakawala pa
Pakukuluin ka sa asido ng sikmura
Pahihirapan hanggang sa sukdulan
Dudurugin ka nito hanggang
Sa punto ng pagsuko mo

Darating din ang panahong
Bibitaw ka sa tiyan at bituka
Pagkatapos kang salain
Lahat ng lakas at sustansiya mo'y
mananakaw, aangkinin
Pagkatapos ng sistema ng pagtunaw
Ay lalabas ka, dala at bitbit ang sama ng loob
Ilalabas ka bilang isang tae
Tatanggapin mong isa ka na lang dumi

Linggo, Nobyembre 16, 2014

Nostos Algos







































I want you to be happy.

So I thought...
letting you go;
refraining from pursuing you;
avoiding talking to you;
not telling you that you're beautiful and
gorgeous and perfect in your every way;
not calling you pretty every morning when I wake;
not asking you if you're okay 'cos if you're
having a shitty day then I'll instantaneously
do the right things to make you feel alright;
ditching every move that will make you feel special
every minute, everyday;
and giving up on you
would be the best decision.

Yet every now and then,
I've been having second thoughts.

Are you happy?
Are you?

Does she exert effort to keep you?
Does she keep your company
especially when you're fucked up?
Does she tell you that you're awesome? Everyday?!
Does she do those things I'm willing to do that
although they are risky and scary and stupid,
hell I will do them
just to make you feel loved?
Does she make you effervescently happy?

Tell me.
Tell me... you're happy.
And I'll go on with my decision.

Please.
Please, say... you're not.

Sabado, Oktubre 25, 2014

Literature Epiphany #3

SUMMER SOLSTICE
by Nick Joaquin

(If someone will own me.  Will I stop being beautiful?  Is it even possible to own someone?
Which should we prefer: to be loved or adored?  I guess the answers will always depend
on how insane a person is, on how much the person value the other.)


But she drew away; huddled herself in the other corner.
“He kissed my feet,” she told him disdainfully, her eyes on his face.
He frowned and made a gesture of distaste.

“Do you see? They have the instincts, the style of the canalla!
To kiss a woman’s feet, to follow her like a dog,
to adore her like a slave— “

“Is it so shameful for a man to adore women?”

“A gentlemen loves and respects Woman.
The cads and lunatics— they ‘adore’ the women.”

“But maybe we do not want to be loved and respected—
but to be adored.”

Literature Epiphany #2

NALPAY A NAMNAMA
by Leona Florentino
(I wish I was the one who wrote this poem)


Atoy ngatan ti ayat a kunada.
Aldaw rabii pampanunuten ka.
Summangpet ka, lubong ko nga natalna.
Ket biag gummulon sa dinakita ka.

Ditoy dalan ko no sikan ti magna,
Sirsirpatangkan nga awan labas na.
Matmatak imnas mo awan kapada na,
Diak ngarud mapukaw ti pinagduadua,

Pinagduadua no sika ket agmaymaysa
Wen no ti pusom addan nakaala.
Toy manong mo, piman nga agsagaba
No awan kanton, malpay tay namnama.

Namnama ta ti pusom iyawat mo;
Ta ti diro ni ayat danggayantanto;
Ta ti rabii sika kumat’ raniag ko,
Kas naslag a bulan sadiay ngato.

Dayta pintas mo a dardaripdepek.
Tungal rabii no innak iredep
Agtalnan toy nakem kentoy utek,
Ta sikan ti kaduak diay tagtaginep.

No nairedep, sam-it nannanamek.
Nagragsak ta a dua diay tagtaginep.
Ngem no makariing, pa-it balbalunek
Ta nalpas manen diay dardaripdepek.

Ket gapu ti nalaus nga ayat ko
Pinamuspusak inyapan ka diay ungto
Ta adaddiay ti maysa nga kayo
Inukit ko nagan mo nga sinanpuso.

Adu a tawenen ti nabilangko.
Dumteng manen nalammiis a tiempo
Awan man lang asi nga mauray ko,
Ta ti ibagbagam puro sentimiento.

Nu tay sika kenyak makagura,
Yeb-ebkas toy pusok ket sika latta.
Nalabit ti ayat ket kastoy ngata;
Pintas mo umunay a liwliwa.

Amin a pinagdungngo impakitak.
Sipupudnuak ta diak pay naglibak
Nagbabaan toy gasat no siak ti agayat
Ta apay madinak man lang maayat.

Gasat nadanunen ti pannakapaay,
Sinaom a dinak a mauray.
Naut-ot launay ti inka impaay.
Naupay a ayat, kas sabong a nalaylay.

Gayagayek a ipalpalawag
Sika ti kayat ko a pagtungpalk
Ngem makitak met a sibabatad,
Ni pay ken liday ti kalak-amak.

Ket aniakad payso ti ur-urayek?
Malaksid a ni rigat ti lak-amek!
Gapu piman ti ayat ko ken pateg,
Ta madim pay rinekna ken dinengngeg.

Yantangay siak ket linipatnakon,
Liday ti yas-asog toy barungkonko.
Nuray agsagabaak nga agnanayon,
Nalpay a namnama aklunekon.